I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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