I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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