I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
