Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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