The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
