Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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