"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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