so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
