dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
