at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
