i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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