When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
