hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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