The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
