Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
