We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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