Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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