Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
