I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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