If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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