Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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