We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
