So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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