My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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