I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
