Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
