She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
