I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
