do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
