this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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