I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
