my phone needs a breathalizer
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
