do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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