I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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