Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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