He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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