At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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