I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
