I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize