I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just tell him i said nine months
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
