i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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