youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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