doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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