You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
