What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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