Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
