You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
