remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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