We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
