I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
