How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
