i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
