would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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