I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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