omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
