he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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