My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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