No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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