from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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