you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize