Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
