Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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