hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
