"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dick very happy bro
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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