sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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