I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
