Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
