My room smells like vodka and shame
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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